Story so far . In previous articles, we have covered the work that goes on a few days before the carnival and on Saturday morning. Everything is now ready, the procession has assembled at Lakes Road and the stalls are ready.

Stallholders arrive. Tickets and prizes are issued and explanations are explained. No sooner have the stalls got going and it is 3:30 and the procession is arriving. You may be aware that recent street collections have been around £2000. This is still primarily made up of 1p, 2p and 5p pieces, which equates to over 40,000 coins (I just made that up but it is probably close). These have to be taken off the lorries from various tins, buckets, cups, fishing nets, hats etc. whilst displaying your i.d. and avoiding being run over by a 40ft. lorry.

The crowds who have been watching the procession all descend upon Meadowside. The Carnival Queen then announces proceeding officially open and things really begin to get going. The next 2 -3 hours are a tad hectic. Hopefully the Carnival stalls are prepared and fully manned by now. Never seem to have quite enough people.

The afternoon wears on. Things break, tickets are needed, items run out, items are lost (even those previously found), stock needs replenishing, fences needs moving, someone needs the Chairman, someone wants paying. Stallholders have to go home and others arrive. More explanations are needed. On hot days - cold drinks are taken round, on cold days - hot drinks are taken round. Regardless of the weather - cakes and sandwiches are taken round. We do try to look after the stallholders.

Late afternoon and things calm down as people go home for tea and for about an hour it is relatively quiet. As evening sets in, the entertainment continues and the crowds return. The field becomes quite busy again.

Evening sets in and stalls begin to close, as stallholders have to go home. There is usually a competition between the hardiest to see who can keep going the longest.

At 9pm the live group that will be performing on stage take a break for the Grand Draw. Although not in the quite the same league as the National Lottery, there is still much anticipation to see who will win the 1st prize. There are usually well over 50 prizes so it takes a good half an hour.

Eventually even the hardiest stallholder has to call it a night and the packing away begins. However, the live group continue their set and the fair continues into the night.

Proceedings are finally drawn to a close at around 10pm and the remaining carnival-goers head off for home. Another year is over but now the real hard work begins . But that's another story.

What can I write this year? So much has changed in such a short time. I have a new job and a new daughter. I was made redundant two weeks after last years Carnival. How very unfortunate you may think, but it's not for the first time. I have been made redundant three times in the last ten years within a month of Carnival Day - coincidence?

I am therefore dreading this year's event. I will return to work knowing what fate awaits me. Maybe this year I will get lucky, it does happen occasionally.

I'm sure that you will be pleased to know that I found a new job within a month. So no harm done and it is much closer to home.

Ivy Isabel (Izzy) arrived in September and put poor Billy's nose totally out of joint at first. Not saying that he wasn't totally overjoyed at the prospect of a new baby sister but he cried when first told. Apparently babies eat toys.

Anyway we had a chat with him and pointed out the responsibilities of being a big brother. We thought he has got used to the idea until the day after she was born, he asked if we could have her adopted.

He could only just bear to be in the same room for the first week. Well it's a big change after being an only child for seven years.

Fortunately he has now come round and now she is smiling at him he adores her.

Then Billy and I sat down and did some research. We would like to share some of our findings with you:

• Never trust a dog to watch your food.
• When your Dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
• Never tell your Mum her diet's not working.
• Stay away from prunes.
• Never pee on an electric fence.
• When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
• Never allow your three-year old sister in the same room as your homework.
• Don't sneeze in front of Mum when you're eating crackers.
• Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.
• Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
• You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
• Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
• Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a cricket bat.
• When you get a bad report in school, show it to your Mum when she's on the phone.
• Never try to baptize a cat.
• 'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should never be used in the same sentence.
• Small pets and microwaves are a bad combination.
• Crayons do not remain solid when stored on a car's dashboard on a hot summer day.
• If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
• Bin-liners do not make good parachutes.
• Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
• Plastic toys do not like ovens.
• The fire brigade has at least a 5-minute response time.
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
• It will, however, make cats dizzy.
• Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
• Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower.
• Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.
• Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your Mum told you to do.
• Never spit when on a roller coaster.
• Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
• When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
• Never be smart with a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
• You should never take a goldfish for a walk, even on a lead.
• Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.

• A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
• A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
• Celibacy is not hereditary.
• Familiarity breeds children.
• For adult education, nothing beats children.
• God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.
• God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
• Having children will turn you into your parents.
• If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
• It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
• It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
• One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
• Never leave a toddler, a furry animal and a pair of scissors alone in the same room.
• You can learn many things from children...like how much patience you have.
• The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
• There are three ways to get things done:
• Do it yourself
• Hire someone to do it
• Forbid your kids from doing it
• There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
• Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
• A good sense of humour will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
• The best thing to spend on your children is time.