Another record breaking Carnival thanks to the generosity of Braintree. A whopping £2067 was raised on the street collection as over 5,000 people watch 35 floats parade through Braintree town centre on their way to Meadowside.

Hold-ups delayed the procession by over 30 minutes. This was made worse when the closure sign was left at the end of Currants Farm Road, right at the end of the procession.

The delay was so severe that the Confederates of Derby Marching Band were forced to cancel the planned arena display.

Highlight of the evening was Mark Stannage world famous escape from a straight-jack whilst suspended from a burning rope. He then went on to blow himself up in a coffin - mad fool.

A total of 36 walkers took part in the 2005 Charity Walk. Walkers were raising money for their own individual organisations including Cancer Research, the Tabor Centre, Little Haven Children's Hospice, Macmillan Cancer Relief and the St Agnes Day Centre.

Once again, we thank every who took part and who helped organise the event.

I was thinking recently that I have not had a rant for years and it is about time I did. I then sat down to decide what to have a rant about and soon realised that I could not think of anything. My mind was blank. I then realised that I had forgotten what I was meant to be thinking about. Eventually I forgot why I was sitting down. At this point I got up and made a cup of tea.

Eventually I remembered what I had set out to do and just how forgetful I have become. This is one of the dreaded 'old age' symptoms that I have heard so much about. Therefore I am officially 'getting old'.

I then set about searching the Internet for proof of other signs. Let me share my findings with you:

1) Early Warning Signs

• Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
• Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would-be thieves.
• You always have enough milk in.
• You never run with scissors.
• Films you watched as a kid are now "Classics" and released in special anniversary box sets.
• You start to worry about your parents' health.
• You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.
• While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
• You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.
• You wish you had a shed.
• Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.
• You wished you owned a lawnmower.
• Rather than throw an old pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.
• You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
• You always have clean underwear and socks.
• You own more than one good tie.
• You sing along with the elevator music.
• You take a metal detector to the beach.
• You know what the word "equity" means.
• You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
• Your childhood toys start appearing on the telly as collectors' items.
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
• Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
• You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
• You actually ASK for your father's advice.
• You hear yourself say one of the following:
• Because I said so
• Yes you will
• I pay the bills in this house
• Eat your peas, they're good for you
• Yes you will wear your vest
• You'll be sorry
• Do as I say not as I do

2) Definite Traits

• You leave gigs before the encore to "beat the rush".
• Flicking through "Heat" magazine makes you too tired to go out.
• You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.
• Your beer reaches its sell by date before you drink it.
• Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.
• You spend more time on choosing your domestic appliances than you do your clothes.
• Your best friend is dating someone half his or her age, and isn't breaking any laws.
• You realise you are too old to die young.
• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
• You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
• To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
• You have a shed.
• Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 and have some really interesting guests on, you know.
• When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.
• You own a lawnmower.
• You agree with your parent's politics.
• You separate all your washing not just by colour but also by delicates, hand wash and woollens.
• You have to read the instructions of any electrical gizmo before you even know how to turn it on.
• You choose a car for its safety spec not the way it looks or performs anymore.
• You have a Wedding suit all prepared.
• The best sitcoms are the repeats.
• Anoraks are more practical than denim jackets.
• DIY becomes a hobby not a chore.
• You spend more time in IKEA than in a night club
• You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
• You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
• Your nose and ears are hairier than your head.
• You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
• You feel like the morning after, but you haven't had the night before.
• You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
• Christmas starts to really [expletive deleted] you off.
• 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
• Dinner and a movie = the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
• You look forward to a quiet night in.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• Your favourite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
• You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
• You find yourself listening to talk radio.
• You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
• You actually buy scarves, gloves and underpants.
• You WANT clothes for Christmas.

3) It's Far Too Late

• The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
• It's too cold to go to live football, even in August!
• You start looking forward to the day you can get a good deal on a Saga holiday.
• You keep repeating yourself.
• You start reading the obituaries instead of the wedding announcements.
• Your old photos don't make you smile anymore you just get depressed.
• You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You are proud of your lawn mower.
• You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
• People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• You watch The Weather Channel.
• You have a Funeral suit all prepared.
• You can go bowling without drinking.
• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
• The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
• You keep repeating yourself.
• Your kids begin to look middle-aged.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
• You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
• The pattern on your shorts and sofa match.
• Jogging is something you do to your memory.
• All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
• You remember the "Rolling Stones".
• You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new shoes.
• There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won't wear out.
• You can live without sex but not without glasses.
• Your eyes won't get much worse.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
• Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
• A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
• You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along too.
• You're cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
• An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
• You keep repeating yourself.
• You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.
• You never know which day it is.
• You draw your pension and wonder if you'll still be here to spend it.
• You take a walk in the garden and get lost
• You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the twenties gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on peeing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a cheeky one turns into 10, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, and.......